


Pull me back to land

by trainsimulator



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, Tour Fic, don't worry I couldn't hurt them if I wanted, slight angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-09
Updated: 2018-09-09
Packaged: 2019-07-10 09:09:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15946220
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trainsimulator/pseuds/trainsimulator
Summary: Sometimes his thoughts drift off into darkness, even on the good days.(Note: when I wrote this, I absolutely didn't mean for it to sound like suicidal thoughts, but it has been brought to my attention that it could in fact be read as such, so I added a tag. Please don't read if you could feel triggered!)





	Pull me back to land

The water is pitch black.

The sand is forming little ridges and valleys where they sit, indentations from the people who have passed here during the day, but only a metre or two and the ground is all flat from the waves rolling in on it. Little twigs and seashells lie pushed against the dry sand and the waves are lapping at them lazily, tiny waves of greenish water and white sea foam, but behind that only darkness. He can't even make out the horizon; on other nights it would be a faint, lighter line between sea and sky, but it's either too late or too early for that, and however much he stares out onto the sea he can't tell one darkness from the other. 

He thinks of what lies behind the horizon, of countless tiny islands, some inhabited, most void of human life, and then nothing and nothing for thousands of miles, and then? Peru, maybe. Or Chile. He thinks that if someone were to wade into the waters and start swimming, they wouldn't arrive anywhere as even the nearest islands are too far for anyone to reach them, and how that someone who waded and swam would inevitably tire and drown.

He finds the waters strangely alluring. 

And absolutely terrifying.

He takes out his phone and taps on the camera's record button. Maybe make a video of the waves, put the vastness of the ocean and his fear into a tiny frame to either share with the world later or keep to himself, he's not sure yet. From somewhere next to him he can hear Martyn say something, but he hasn't properly listened to their conversations for a while now, his mind too busy thinking about those islands and all the miles of absolute nothingness. It had been a good day actually, him soaking up the sun by the pool behind their cabin by the beach, and then dinner and sitting and chatting, but some nights just aren't kind to him, and tonight is one of them.

When he hears his name he taps the record button again to stop filming, and he turns around to find Phil looking at him expectantly, as if waiting for an answer, but if there ever was a question he didn't catch it.

"Sorry?" he asks, hoping that Phil will repeat whatever had been said.

"Are we leaving as well?" Phil asks, and it's only then that he notices Martyn and Cornelia standing and looking at him, Cornelia with her ever-present smile which he usually finds reassuring, but his mind has drifted off too far tonight.

"I'd like to stay a bit," he says, and Phil nods, looking up to the others.

"We'll come later," Phil tells them, and Martyn and Cornelia say their good-nights and start making their way up the beach to the edge of the forest. He looks after them; two people slowly being engulfed by darkness, and then the faint glimmer of a light between the palm trees when they must have reached their patio.

"Penny for your thoughts?" Phil asks quietly, and he looks at him for a moment before gazing back at the ocean.

"Have you ever thought about how there's nothing out there?" he asks. "There's pretty much _nothing_ between here and South America, and that's like, half the world away. Almost."

"There's New Zealand," Phil offers, but he shakes his head.

"Not if you go in a straight line from here," he says, getting up from his towel and walking to the waterline.

"Dan, what are you doing?" Phil calls in a hushed voice, but he keeps looking out to the horizon, or where he knows the horizon must be, the waves around his ankles and then his shins. The water still feels warm, but the air is almost chilly now, and he pulls his shirt tighter around his chest, crossing his arms. He turns around to find Phil standing close behind him, looking at him concernedly.

"How long do you think until one would drown?", he asks quietly, looking Phil in the eye who is shaking his head ever so slightly.

"Don't go there, Dan," Phil whispers, and he takes a step towards the other and reaches out and hugs him, because it's two a.m. and there is no one there to see them and if anything can take his mind out of those waves and back onto solid ground it's a hug from Phil. He rests his head in the crook of Phil's neck, buries his nose where Phil's shirt meets his skin and breathes until Phil's scent has drowned out the ocean air.

"Take me home?" he asks, and follows Phil up the shore to where Cornelia has left the light on for them.

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by Dan's insta story from a few days ago^^


End file.
